Things You Won't Catch Me Making as a Cosmetic Formulator

You know those products that go viral and suddenly everyone is making them? You won’t catch me doing that.

As a cosmetic formulator, there are plenty of products I could make, but won’t. It's not because I’m trying to be difficult, or I’m “gatekeeping," and most definitely not because I hate fun.

Some products just require testing I’m not equipped to do, and then some are built on misleading claims. Others are just… absolutely not aligned with the way I formulate, label, or run my business.

Handmade doesn’t mean “anything goes.” It still needs to be safe, stable, properly preserved, honestly marketed, and made by someone who understands what they’re putting on your skin.

Time to chat about a few things I won't be adding to my shop, even if they’re trendy, profitable, or currently being hyped all over your feed.

Sunscreen

Let's start with the big one.

I will never, ever, make sunscreen. Not in my lab, my kitchen, my bathroom, or under the light of a full moon while whispering affirmations to zinc oxide.

Sunscreen is not a “close enough” product. It's actually a drug that is regulated by the FDA.

It is not something you make because you found a recipe online, added some zinc oxide, and hoped for the best. If it was as simple as mixing lotion and zinc oxide together, it wouldn't need regulation or be classified as a drug. Sunscreen needs proper testing to prove the SPF on the label is accurate. SPF is measured in a lab, not a mixing bowl. It needs stability testing and needs to be manufactured with very specific processes so the UV filters are evenly dispersed throughout the formula. That's called homogenization, and there isn't a single home utensil that will work better than specialized commercial lab equipment, nor is there a Pinterest recipe that will outperform a chemist's formula. I promise.

If sunscreen is unevenly mixed, unstable, or improperly formulated, you may think you’re protected when you’re very much not. That is not a risk I’m willing to take with your skin (Read the full blog about why I won't make this here.)

Preservative-Free

Brands bragging about being preservative-free need to understand that this is so not the flex they think it is. If a product contains water, aloe juice, hydrosol, tea, or any other water-based ingredient, it needs a proper preservative system.

No, not vitamin E or rosemary extract. Those are antioxidants and have a different function in cosmetics. Definitely not “use within two weeks" or “keep refrigerated.” No, cosmetics need a real preservative system.

Water creates an environment where bacteria, yeast, fungi, and mold can grow. You can't always see, smell, or feel when a product is contaminated. A product can look perfectly fine and still be unsafe to use, isn't that fun?

This is why I will not make preservative-free lotions, toners, cleansers, scrubs, or anything else water-based. And no, I also won't use "natural" preservatives either, because these, frankly, just suck. They require a higher usage rate (anywhere from 2-5% of a formula) which then creates a risk of allergenic reactions, and often need preservative boosters because they don't work well on their own. Synthetic preservatives (typically used as 1% or less) have a proven track record and a lot of efficacy data.

I know preservatives have been unfairly demonized by “clean beauty” marketing, whether it’s parabens being treated like endocrine chaos in a jar or formaldehyde-releasing preservatives like they’re pouring embalming fluid in your face cream. Frankly, if you're anxious about formaldehyde-releasing preservatives, then I urge you to not eat a banana or a pear, because you'll find more formaldehyde in those fruits than a cream with a preservative.

Dose, exposure, formulation, and safety data matter. Preservatives are not the villain. Those unpreserved contaminated products are. EEEEEyuck.

Vagina Soaps

Yes, there are brands that make these. “Vagina soap,” “yoni soap,” “feminine cleansing bars,” or anything else marketed toward making your vagina smell like cotton candy, vanilla, roses, or whatever nonsense is trending this week, are all rooted in misogyny and patriarchal bullish*t.

First of all, the vagina is self-cleaning and doesn't need soap. The vulva can be gently cleansed, but it does not need a heavily fragranced specialty product with a pink label and a side of insecurity. So much of this category is built on convincing people that normal bodies are dirty, embarrassing, smelly, or in need of correction. I hate that. Thanks, patriarchy.

Also, I can't stress this enough, a handmade soap is not going to treat bacterial vaginosis. You also don't need a soap to "balance" your vagina's pH. For the love of everything good and scientific, if your pH is off, experiencing unusual odor, irritation, discomfort, or something feels amiss, please go see a doctor, not your local soap maker.

Liquid Soap, Shampoo, or Body Wash

This one is less dramatic, but still very much a no. I have zero plans to make a liquid soap, liquid shampoo, or liquid body wash.

It's not because they’re "bad," "toxic," or "full of fillers." They just don't make sense for my business at this stage. I already make bar soaps and solid shampoo/conditioner bars.

Liquid products require different formulation work, different packaging, different production processes, more storage space, and more shipping weight. They also take up more room at markets, in inventory, and in my already very maxed out brain.

As a small business, I have to be honest about what I can make well, consistently, and sustainably without turning my life into utter chaos. Could I formulate them? Sure. But I don't want to build an entire new production workflow around them right now. Or ever.

I also try very hard to be intentional with my packaging choices and work to reduce where it makes sense. While I don't call myself a plastic-free brand by any means, if I can limit the amount of packaging I have to source, put out, and ship, I will. Respectfully, I don't think the world needs another bottle of body wash.

Sometimes the most responsible business decision is knowing what not to add.

Hormone Balancing Products

Nope. Big nope. I will never make a hormone balancing cream, wild yam “progesterone” cream, or menopause miracle product. That is not skincare. Yikes. That, my friend, is a medical claim and illegal if not FDA approved.

Hormones and bodies are complex, and while ingredients like wild yam extract get thrown around a lot in wellness marketing, that does not mean slathering something on your skin is going to magically balance your endocrine system.

Also, your skin is really freaking good at protecting you. Your skin is not a VIP entrance to your endocrine system, good grief. If getting ingredients into the bloodstream through the skin were that easy, transdermal patches wouldn’t need to be specifically designed to do it. Nicotine patches, hormone patches, and other medicated patches are engineered with the right active ingredients, delivery systems, dosing, and penetration enhancers to actually get the job done. So no, tossing wild yam extract into a lotion does not magically turn it into hormone therapy. [face palm]

Brands can’t scream about “endocrine disruptors” in skincare while also claiming a lotion balances hormones because of some wild yam extract. The hell? Plus, the data does not support wild yam as some miracle hormone or menopause treatment. I mean, come onnnnn, are cosmetics dramatically altering the endocrine system or not? (Psst, they’re not.)

Pick a lane. Some brands need to pick up a basic chemistry textbook instead.

I am not here to cosplay as your doctor, your hormone panel, or your pharmacy. Could I make a body cream that feels lovely on the skin? Absolutely. In fact, I do. But no wild yams were harmed in the making... or marketing.

Detox Products

Your skin is not your liver. There. That’s the section. Okay, fiiiiiiiine, I’ll expand.

"Detox” soaps, masks, scrubs, cleansers, bath products, or anything claiming to pull toxins out of your body, are absolutely full of it.

Your body already has detoxification systems. They are called your liver, kidneys, lungs, digestive system, and lymphatic system, so say thank you to your body. A soap bar with charcoal and essential oils is not taking over that job because it has moody packaging and a wellness buzzword slapped on the label. Did you pee today? Cool. You just released toxins.

Ingredients like charcoal, clay, or exfoliants can help cleanse the surface of your skin, absorb excess oil, or leave your skin feeling refreshed. But extract mysterious unnamed “toxins” from your organs through your pores? That's not a thing.

Whenever a brand uses the word “toxins” without naming the actual toxin, the dose, the route of exposure, and the mechanism, that is usually your cue to raise an eyebrow or roll your eyes far back into your head.

I’m not interested in making products just because they’re trendy, fear based, or profitable. If I can’t formulate it responsibly, label it honestly, and stand behind what it actually does, you won’t catch my name on it.